ONLINE DATING FOR WOMEN : How Serious Is He? How Do You Know?

Having dated online for several years before eventually finding success and marrying, this article gives some points on how an online encounter can be taken offline to an actual date, and a possible relationship. Of course, there are no guarantees, as you must use your best judgement. However, if you know some of the signs to look for, you can make a more informed decision regarding someone you’ve met, and are interested in.

Let’s start at the beginning, we all know the value of having an enduring loving relationship, and how it can be the cornerstone of a balanced life. However, many people don’t have the time, opportunity or finances to meet people through traditional methods. ie, (work, hobbies, singles’ events, professional services or friends and family introductions), and are opting for finding that person online through an online dating service.

The number of people dating online is continuing to grow, and these numbers include women. Still, there are more male memberships, 57%, according to a study from one of the major online dating sites. This means that when a new female member comes online, they will usually generate a lot of interest and receive tons of emails from men who are current members.

At first, this can be exciting, because most people are thrilled to know that the online dating community is more than a cyber person, that someone actually exists. You feel like you’ve hit a goldmine and have so many men to choose from. But hold on! If what you’re looking for is to simply connect with many men and just have some fun with it, then email away. However, if, like so many women who decide to date online, you’re hoping to find a promising relaltion-ship that could lead to a future commitment, then there are some things you should consider before that first date.

His first Introduction Message

How much is written in the initial contact message? The first contact should be a short introduction to express an interest. No life stories, no phone numbers. If too much is written and phone numbers are given, that could be a sign of desperation. If you receive an email of this nature, do not respond back. Someone looking for a quality relationship will realize how this comes across, and won’t want to turn you off.

Introduction Period

The introduction period should last at least 3 weeks to 1 month of continuous dialogue, gradually divulging more information about yourself. Actually, you should talk about what is already written in your profile, being prepared to back it up. Do not engage in or respond to a conversation that is x-rated or makes any suggestion of intimacy. In fact, discontinue contact immediately, at the first sign of this. It’s obvious what’s on his mind.

If he’s serious, he will want to create a good fist impression and should be in no rush to get through this period, and neither should you.

Add him to your IM List

Once you’re nearing the end of the introduction phase, assuming you have not already done so, add him to your online dating site’s instant message contact list. The reason for doing this is to determine the amount of time he is online, chatting. If you look up his IM at midnight, he’s chatting and it’s not with you, then you’ll want to slow down the contact frequency. Again, if something about you has intrigued him and he is not “playing the field”, he’ll be looking forward to your next online encounter. He won’t be willing to start a new connection, while he’s still getting to know you.

Taking the dialogue offline

There is a point when the communication, assuming a mutual interest has been established, should be done through phone calls. After several weeks to a month of online contact and you feel comfortable with the truthfulness of the information in his profile. You should suggest a phone conversation, gauging his response. The reason is that more can be revealed about a person through their voice. If he gives you a phone number and invites you to call, do it, once. If he is reluctant to exchange phone numbers, it could be that he is more comfortable only communicating with you in writing. This is something you need to know.

Phone Conversations

You are looking for regular phone calls, from him. Let him call you consistently for several weeks, maybe a month. The reason for this is that eventhough a mutual interest has been established, most men still want to pursue and stay in control. Allow him to be that man, as your patience may ensure the first date.

Getting to the First Date

By this time, it’s been almost 2 months and you’re about to meet. You probably feel as if you really know this person; but you don’t. Remember, it’s your first time meeting, and a whole new phase in the process. Enjoy the date, you’ve earned it. If all goes well, there will be another and who knows. Go with it!

Finally, unlesss the man you’ve met lives in another country or is in the military, you should not go beyond 2 months without meeting. What happens is that the situation can become stagnant and you will end up becoming a cyber-buddy. The getting to know you phase must be dynamic with each phase giving you something to look forward to. This is assuming that you have had regular contacts, both on and offline.

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